Zhang Heng Among the Barbarians
A few weeks after I got my 2007 Toyota Prius I was having undercarriage blue LED's installed. When I went to pick it up from the installer, I saw some flyers for a local car show. I thought, why not? I was aware that I would be entering an event dominated by hot rods, lo-riders, and vehicles with huge testosterone fueled shiny engines.
But what the heck, it should be fun. This is a unique car, and it will give me a chance to spread the message about the nature and role of hybrids in responding to the energy/environmental crisis. So I signed up as I finished working on the modifications to the car.
There was a hitch getting the Moon ™ disk hubcaps I wanted. The wrong size was sent. The dealer was very good about replacing them, and covering shipping, but it meant that they did not arrive till two days before the show. I had to mount them the night before the show. I had all the hardware, and the directions from the members of PriusChat, and got them mounted successfully. The final touch was to spray the inside of the rims with polyurethane foam to keep small rocks and debris from getting lodged inside, coming loose, and rattling around. The stuff was supposed to set in 10 minutes and cure in 24 hours, but it was still pretty soft after a couple hours. I left them inside in the bathroom with the heater on for a while, and kept them indoors overnight.
I put the hubcaps on the next morning, loaded up my stuff and made an early arrival at the show, which got me a good space under the bridge, shielded from the sun for most of the day. It also put me right near the entrance, where you get to make an early impression.
Once I got out of the car, I turned around and saw the wheels. M***er F***er!!!
The urethane foam was still not set and had sprayed out all over the tires! S**t! And it wouldn't come off! D**n!! After several efforts to remove the stuff, I regained my Vulcan composure, and decided, You know, it looks kinda cool. Like a solar corona. Just leave it, pretend like it was intentional, and hope for the best. So I cleaned up the car and got it show-ready.
I removed the ratty old grey furry seat cover that I had on the driver's seat. D**n!! There was fine black powder all over the seat the cover had left. Fortunately, unlike the tire streaks, most of that came off.
My neighbors changed from time to time. The coolest was being parked next to a 1928 Model A Ford.
I spent the morning getting the car ready and walking around looking at the cars. There were a huge number of trophies lined up to be awarded, and I began to think that maybe I had a chance of winning one of them.
So I waited for the judges. I put on my uniform.
Fortunately, it was a beautiful day and the temperature was cool enough in the morning to be able to stand wearing that thing, which was designed for the life-support environment of a starship.
The judge finally showed up after a couple of hours, when it was starting to get warm. He was a 20 something kid, and did not look all that interested in the car. At this point, I can tell when someone sees my car and "gets it." There is an immediate smile of recognition. He didn't have it. We introduced ourselves, and he asked me to present the car. I blew it. I was totally unprepared and said very little, did not point out details,
and definitely did not convey my enthusiasm for this project. I had not anticipated this (I have thought of PLENTY to say since), and was a little thrown by the apparent TreKluelessness. As he finished and left, I felt I was pretty much out of the running for a trophy. OK, since that is not why I came, but it would have been nice nonetheless.
It WAS fun showing the car. The majority of folks gave it a glance and moved on, sometimes with the smile of recognition. Several stopped dead in their tracks, broke out into a huge grin or laughter, and came and inspected the car inside and out. They talked for a while, usually about Star Trek. They told me they loved the car, and one called it "awesome." Only a few talked about the Prius itself, mostly including present or future owners.
I looked over the other cars again looking for some surprises. One aspect of the custom car movement I had not been aware of was the Xtreme sound fad.
Several cars had sound systems that could of produced a Rolling Stones concert.
Entire vehicles were built around sound systems. One had a visible battery pack that looked bigger than that used to propel the Prius.
And there was a contest, a Sound Off to see who was the loudest. The winners came in between 135 and 146 dB! (for any fellow audiophiles or sound engineers, there was no measurement of Total Harmonic Distortion, which I guess was quite irrelevant). OSHA would not allow anybody to be near anything that loud without ear protection. I think these things ought to be sent to Iran and Afghanistan, where they would be effective weapons in the War on Terror.
In addition to the Sound Off, there were even more pointless events, such as the Car Crush,
where big monster trucks drive over a pile of old wrecks until they are flattened, and the Burnout competition, where the drivers lock their front wheels (Or rear in case of front wheel drive cars), and floor it until the tires are burned out in huge clouds of smoke and rubber chunks.
The winner, in addition blew out both tires, punctuating the noise and smoke with dull explosions.
I figure each of these contestants generated more pollution in two minutes than I will in a year of driving the Prius. My Carbon Credits have been neutralized.
In between events I installed a backup buzzer on the car to warn pedestrians and animals, since the Prius is otherwise totally silent when backing up.
Late in the day a rival in the MPG category arrived, a Smart ForTwo car. There were no other Priii there, so other than these guys, I had no competition.
He and I chatted, mostly about his cars (he also owned an Insight and some three-wheel design from a few years back, and I tried to persuade him to come to the Alternative Energy Transportation Festival in Boston at the end of next month.
The second day of the show was pretty much like the first. I had planned to write most of this report using my laptop plugged into an inverter plugged into the Prius. The only hitch in this plan was I forgot the laptop at home. The most interesting event occurred while I was touching up something on the inside of the car, and something caught my eye up toward the windshield. I quick grabbed my camera a shot not one, but several photos of a UFO as it made several rendezvous'.
It wasn't any UFO!
Only a little Photoshop to remove the strings and my escape will be complete!
The final event was the presentation of trophies.
My final hope was some place in the People's Choice category, where the show goers vote their favorite cars. Trekkies are enthusiastic, and I did attempt to corral all of their votes. There were thirty or forty categories, which I could not figure out how they were assigned. I think it was be number of entries from past experience. There were 2 or 3 categories just for Chevy S-10 pickups, and one for Euros, including BMWs, Audis, and what not.
There was one for Toyota Celicas, one for Toyota pickups, and one for Toyota Other. When they got to that category, they announced the third place winner was - ME! and the Zhang Heng! I won a trophy !! The crowd loved it and gave me a louder than usual cheer.
So, a mostly successful event. I learned much, which was the main idea. I did not engage in all that much Prius talk. I think that was a matter of presentation.
I am not sure how I managed to win third prize. I suspect it was because there were only three cars in this class.
Sometimes you win just by showing up.
